This post is inspired by my favorite blogger thus far (the only one I read regularly and who inspired me to try blogging
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Do I Look Fat?
I used to be one of those girls that everyone hated because I could eat whatever I wanted, and not gain an ounce. I'd get supersized Big Mac meals from McDonald's with a large chocolate shake several times a week and not think twice about it. Mexican food drenched in lard and cheese, mmm...bring it on!
Then I met my wonderful husband. After being together 18months, I gained ten pounds. I couldn't even tell I gained the weight. I rarely weighed myself then. And all my clothes still fit. I didn't even believe the scale at first. I remember thinking, "Impossible! I haven't weighed this much in my life. This scale is off." Whatever, off to Burger King...
Then I turned 30. All of a sudden, I wasn't liking the way I looked in a bikini. Before I could throw on anything and the only worry I had was if it made my boobs look small. Suddenly, I had a bit of cellulite on my thighs, I needed to suck in my belly to make it look flat. The only positive thing was I finally had real breasts. At that point, I was almost ten pounds lighter than I am now.
Since then, I've exercised off and on. Lost and gained and lost and gained again. Before, if I exercised regularly for a couple of weeks, extra weight would fall off. Not the case anymore. Finally last year, I decided I needed to do something drastic--go on a diet. I did the South Beach diet, and to be honest, it was great! I lost 8 lbs in 2 weeks (just like the book said), and my belly looked flatter (like the book said). It was awesome. And I was never hungry. I did have to eat frequently. But I missed carbs. I love bread, pasta, sugar and alcohol, I'm sorry!
So I slowly gained the weight back, plus 4 lbs. Which is where I sit today. Heavier than ever. Ugh! I don't look terrible. My husband doesn't have a problem with it. He says he loves my body. And by others' standards, I'm not "fat." My BMI is normal. I think the term for me is "skinny fat." I'm definitely not rail thin anymore, that's for sure. And to be honest, I miss it.
And I'm at a crossroads because I want to start trying to get pregnant in a month. We were pregnant 3 months ago, but I miscarried. I think that pregnancy gave me the extra 4 lbs. So if we try to get preggers again in 4 weeks, is it worth dieting to lose ten lbs if my diet will completely change once we are (hopefully) pregnant? I obviously would not do low carb if I were pregnant.
So I think I may just start exercising again, (I stopped completely with the miscarriage and haven't started again) and just start eating healthfully. Complex carbs, and (this is a hard one for me) no sweets...okay, maybe just once a week...small portions:) But I really miss the good old days.
Then I met my wonderful husband. After being together 18months, I gained ten pounds. I couldn't even tell I gained the weight. I rarely weighed myself then. And all my clothes still fit. I didn't even believe the scale at first. I remember thinking, "Impossible! I haven't weighed this much in my life. This scale is off." Whatever, off to Burger King...
Then I turned 30. All of a sudden, I wasn't liking the way I looked in a bikini. Before I could throw on anything and the only worry I had was if it made my boobs look small. Suddenly, I had a bit of cellulite on my thighs, I needed to suck in my belly to make it look flat. The only positive thing was I finally had real breasts. At that point, I was almost ten pounds lighter than I am now.
Since then, I've exercised off and on. Lost and gained and lost and gained again. Before, if I exercised regularly for a couple of weeks, extra weight would fall off. Not the case anymore. Finally last year, I decided I needed to do something drastic--go on a diet. I did the South Beach diet, and to be honest, it was great! I lost 8 lbs in 2 weeks (just like the book said), and my belly looked flatter (like the book said). It was awesome. And I was never hungry. I did have to eat frequently. But I missed carbs. I love bread, pasta, sugar and alcohol, I'm sorry!
So I slowly gained the weight back, plus 4 lbs. Which is where I sit today. Heavier than ever. Ugh! I don't look terrible. My husband doesn't have a problem with it. He says he loves my body. And by others' standards, I'm not "fat." My BMI is normal. I think the term for me is "skinny fat." I'm definitely not rail thin anymore, that's for sure. And to be honest, I miss it.
And I'm at a crossroads because I want to start trying to get pregnant in a month. We were pregnant 3 months ago, but I miscarried. I think that pregnancy gave me the extra 4 lbs. So if we try to get preggers again in 4 weeks, is it worth dieting to lose ten lbs if my diet will completely change once we are (hopefully) pregnant? I obviously would not do low carb if I were pregnant.
So I think I may just start exercising again, (I stopped completely with the miscarriage and haven't started again) and just start eating healthfully. Complex carbs, and (this is a hard one for me) no sweets...okay, maybe just once a week...small portions:) But I really miss the good old days.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Let's start with a little introspection...
I can't believe I'm blogging! It's definitely scary to put yourself out there, especially when you're afraid to be judged, like I am. It's a fear that's held me back from a lot, but I'm hoping that will change. I'm in my 30s. I think it's time for that to change.
I was always the quiet girl....still am. I hate it when people call me quiet or shy because it feels like an insult. "You're so quiet!" It's like, why are you stating the obvious? I live with myself; do you think I don't know this? I don't know why it bugs me... Well I actually do. Because in HS, the quiet people were not the popular people. The quiet ones were the ones who were picked on...or maybe that was just me. I do try to be more extroverted, but it feels fake. It's just not who I am. Sometimes I am more talkative and outgoing. It depends on my mood and who I'm with. But I can't turn it on and turn it off. I wish I could!
I do admire people that speak their minds. People that are assertive and say what they feel no matter what anyone thinks. I've always desperately wanted to be like that. Do you know how many people I've cussed out in my head? Ahh, to be able to say it out loud....I'm getting a little better (at being assertive, not at cussing people out). I guess age does that.
I was always the quiet girl....still am. I hate it when people call me quiet or shy because it feels like an insult. "You're so quiet!" It's like, why are you stating the obvious? I live with myself; do you think I don't know this? I don't know why it bugs me... Well I actually do. Because in HS, the quiet people were not the popular people. The quiet ones were the ones who were picked on...or maybe that was just me. I do try to be more extroverted, but it feels fake. It's just not who I am. Sometimes I am more talkative and outgoing. It depends on my mood and who I'm with. But I can't turn it on and turn it off. I wish I could!
I do admire people that speak their minds. People that are assertive and say what they feel no matter what anyone thinks. I've always desperately wanted to be like that. Do you know how many people I've cussed out in my head? Ahh, to be able to say it out loud....I'm getting a little better (at being assertive, not at cussing people out). I guess age does that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
