Thursday, April 30, 2009

Let's start with a little introspection...

I can't believe I'm blogging! It's definitely scary to put yourself out there, especially when you're afraid to be judged, like I am. It's a fear that's held me back from a lot, but I'm hoping that will change. I'm in my 30s. I think it's time for that to change.

I was always the quiet girl....still am. I hate it when people call me quiet or shy because it feels like an insult. "You're so quiet!" It's like, why are you stating the obvious? I live with myself; do you think I don't know this? I don't know why it bugs me... Well I actually do. Because in HS, the quiet people were not the popular people. The quiet ones were the ones who were picked on...or maybe that was just me. I do try to be more extroverted, but it feels fake. It's just not who I am. Sometimes I am more talkative and outgoing. It depends on my mood and who I'm with. But I can't turn it on and turn it off. I wish I could!

I do admire people that speak their minds. People that are assertive and say what they feel no matter what anyone thinks. I've always desperately wanted to be like that. Do you know how many people I've cussed out in my head? Ahh, to be able to say it out loud....I'm getting a little better (at being assertive, not at cussing people out). I guess age does that.