Saturday, April 14, 2012

Sigh of Relief

Good news: the baby's ultrasound was normal. Two perinatologists looked extensively and they were suprised to find NOTHING wrong! I am so thankful! They wanted me to get an amniocentesis to rule out a couple of other issues the baby could have. But after 5 miscarriages, I decided not to take any chances. Especially because there's nothing that I would terminate the pregnancy for and anything that they'd find on the amnio could be found once the baby is born.

There could still be a placental issue, which they can't really see on ultrasound. So I have to get ultrasounds every 4 weeks to make sure the baby is growing and that the placenta isn't trying to poop out. But I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. I know we're not totally out of the woods, but my biggest worries were laid to rest.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Time Flies....

It's been a long time since I posted anything on here. I've been doing pretty well. Just trying to keep up with my now 18 month old toddler. Pretty crazy. We decided to try for a second. We had an early miscarriage last April, and another early one in September. Then, we got successfully pregnant 19 weeks ago.

I couldn't believe it. Can a miracle happen twice? I don't know. I got a call from my OB that one of my screening tests (AFP) was abnormally high. Actually, really high. We had a normal Nuchal translucency scan at 12 weeks. Everything seemed to be fine, but now we find out, it may not be.

A high AFP could be a false positive (doubtful, but it's possible), or it could be a neural tube defect like spina bifida, it could be an abdominal wall defect where the intenstines are growing outside of the body, it could be ancephaly where the brain hasn't formed correctly. If the baby is anatomically ok, then it could be a problem with the placenta (other than a false positive, this is the best case scenario). That would put me at risk for preterm labor, but my doctor said that that usually isn't a serious concern until the 3rd trimester.

So, I'm scheduled for a Level 2 ultrasound (which I was getting anyway), and a consultation with a genetics counselor. I'm trying not to worry, but that's like trying not to breathe. Whenever I look stuff up on the internet (I know I shouldn't), I just cringe.

I felt terrible, because this pregnancy, I haven't been nearly as obsessed as I was with my first. I haven't had time to be, I guess. Unlike my first pregnancy, the weeks seemed to be flying by, and everything seemed fine. It's unbelievable, and then again it's not. Because I never could believe I was actually pregnant. It just was surreal in the beginning. Then as the bump grew, I was thinking, wow I'm actually going to get to have 2 of them. Crazy! Then just as I was wrapping my head around it, and letting myself believe it, my doctor calls and breaks the news.

I got the call on Thursday, my ultrasound is on Tuesday. This has been the longest wait of my life. I just need to know what we're dealing with. I never thought I would hope for a problem with my placenta, but I do. I just want my baby to be okay.

I think the hardest part is being at work, and everyone asking me about the pregnancy. "Do you know what you're having?" "Oh, look at that belly!" "You're gonna have your hands full soon!" "Have you thought of names?" And all the while, I'm smiling, nodding. Telling everyone what they want to hear instead of the fact that I'm breaking inside. I don't even know if there's going to be a baby anymore.

Three more days...

Friday, December 17, 2010

I haven't been on Blogger in a really long time--obviously. But I thought I should report that I gave birth to a healthy 8lb 2oz little boy on September 17th. In the end, despite the anxiety, I had a normal, uneventful pregnancy. Little Ethan is 3 months old today and thriving! I'm obsessed with reading about infant sleep these days because he wakes up every 90 minutes all night long...still. He'll have a good night of sleep every once in a while, but then he'll go back to his usual pattern. Thank goodness for my hubby. Most nights when he's home, I'll pump a bottle of breast milk, and he feeds him so I can get 3-4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Funny how good 4 whole hours of sleep feels!

I live for his smiles and little giggles. He is beautiful and perfect, and I feel so blessed. I'm so thankful for the support I found through blogging.

Thursday, May 20, 2010


Between moving, gardening, redecorating (and having Blogger blocked at work), I've been totally MIA. I've fallen in love with the house we're renting. We've had 3 or 4 BBQs/dinner parties in the almost 2 months that we've lived here. It's just a lot more fun to entertain with a back yard!

The baby is doing great. I'll be 23 weeks tomorrow. My 20 week ultrasound confirmed that we're having a boy! He was measuring a week ahead of my LMP, as he always has, and all measurements looked good. I finally have a real bump, and strangers have started asking when I'm due. Last Saturday, I felt my first kicks. I think I was feeling it before Saturday, but I wasn't sure. That day, my DH and I had our hands on my belly and we both felt it. It was amazing! It's just all finally feeling real. I'm still nervous. I still use my doppler (thank God for that thing! It has kept me sane!), but for the first time, I'm feeling like we could actually become parents in less than four months.

Monday, April 5, 2010


After spending the past 3 years in a lovely 2 bedroom apartment, my DH and I are moving to a 3 bedroom house. It's only a couple of miles from where we live now, and it's lovely. It has great curb appeal. There's a weeping willow out front. A lovely yard. The only problem is, the living room and dining area are tiny. I thought we had a smallish LR and dining area in the apartment, but it's huge compared to the house.

It has a fireplace, and we were thinking of mounting our 46" flat screen above it. Then my DH heard that some people don't recommend that because it can be a crappy view. So now we have to figure out a way to cram that sucker in...or (what I'm leaning toward) just buy a smaller one. I also want to buy a smaller couch. We have a giant sectional that will swallow the new LR whole. But it was kind of expensive, and since we're renting this lovely house, we don't want to spend a lot on new furniture, only to move in a year or two. So basically, we'll be straddling the TV everytime we want to watch something.

In other news, the baby is doing well. I saw my OB (the one who I saw all last year with my RPL) for my 16 week checkup (yes, 16 weeks...I can't believe it!). He works with two other OBs, and I saw them my last two appointments. I was excited to see him because it's the first time I've seen him since the last loss. I was expecting hugs, and oh my gosh so happy for you; but, it was a little anticlimatic. He was a bit awkward to be honest.

Then he decided to scare the sh*t out of us by saying, "there was a discrepancy with your NT ultrasound." I just braced myself, thinking, great, can I ever get good news from this guy? Well the baby measured 13 weeks instead of 12 weeks, 1 day. So he asked if I was sure about my LMP (I asked, are you serious? I can practically tell you the hour it started). Then he said he wants an accurate due date in case there are issues later and we have to deliver early. Great. Glad you're preparing for the worst, but did you have to say it in such an ominous way? Do you realize what we've been through? So with my 20 week US, they'll look at what the baby's measuring and figure out, what they think is the most accurate due date.

My feeling is, my DH and I are tall. Maybe I'm going to have a tall kid. I mean, at what stage do babies start measuring differently? Babies are not all born the same height. But, whatever. I was just a little disappointed that he didn't dance a little jig for us. I decided I like his one colleague better. She was very optimistic with my first 2 ultrasounds (when I was scared sh*tless). And she was extremely reassuring and sweet. I've always gone to female docs anyway.

But the important thing is, the little guy seems to be progressing nicely. And I'm so thankful for that. I still hold my breath, but I also relax a bit more every day. And each day, it starts to feel a little more real. Like this could actually happen.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Coming Out

Coming out ain't easy. My husband has been so excited. I promised him that at week 13, we could tell people at work. He was bursting at the seams! Since we work in the same place (different departments), I slowly started telling people too. My department is large and pretty gossipy, so for every one person I tell, 5 will know in a day or two. And the more people that know, the more I want to crawl into a hole. It's not that I'm not thrilled about the baby, I'm terrified about all the what if's.

Everyone in both our departments know that we're married. I had a girl who works with him come up to my area just to give me a hug. Another girl I work with heard through the grapevine, and she came to give me a hug. It's sweet, but I also just want people to act normal. I don't know. It's just terrifying.

It's easier and easier to find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler, and that's reassuring. Being 13 weeks, 4 days is reassuring. The results of our NT Scan (1 in 6000 chance of Down's, and 1 in 86,000 for Trisomy 18), also reassuring. But there's that nagging little voice, almost a whisper that keeps saying, what if...

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

An Interesting Article

Found this article via Love Maegan, which is a blog more dedicated to style/fashion, but she is having issues with infertility, and occassionally posts about it.

The article was written in 2006, but it's still relevant and could have been written yesterday. It's about how America seems to have "baby fever," and how difficult it is for women struggling with infertility. It also points out thst since Demi Moore posed naked with a huge bump on the cover of Vanity Fair, pop culture has been obssessed with baby bumps. I have to admit, that I subscribe to a weekly celebrity gossip mag and if I had a buck for each story, picture or announcement about a celebrity's child, bump or pregnancy, I'd be able to retire.

Anyway, if you have some time, the article is really interesting. On another note, I just watched the Oscars (in parts), and I adore Sandra Bullock's dress! Oh my gosh, she looked absolutely stunning!